FIFA chief issues gay sex guidelines for 2022 World Cup

Sepp Blatter

Sepp Blatter, FIFA president, chuckled when asked at a press conference in South Africa what to advise gay people who will be traveling to Qatar for the 2022 World Cup.  “I would say that they should refrain from sexual activities,” Blatter replied while simulating fellatio with his microphone.  Qatar is a Muslim country that forbids same-sex […]

Minnesota Vikings confront Brett Favre in shower

Brett Favre

After losing to the New York Jets last night, unnamed members of the Minnesota Vikings confronted Brett Favre in the shower over allegations that he sent nude pictures of himself to Jennifer Sterger, according to an anonymous source with the Vikings organization.

Delonte West admits to sex with LeBron James’ mother

Delonte West

After Basketball Hall of Famer Calvin Murphy disclosed that rumors of Delonte West having sex with Gloria James, teammate LeBron James’ mother, were “absolutely true” and “absolutely horrifying”, West issued a statement of his own.

Dateless fat chick goes to NHL playoff game instead of prom

Dressed up and dateless, an 18 year old Commerce City, Colorado teen opted to wear her prom dress to Game 6 of the NHL Western Conference playoffs.  Gertrude Willis was determined not to let her peers’ aversion to fat chicks spoil her Senior Prom. “Like, guys are, like, ashamed to be seen at the prom with a fat chick,” […]

Tiger Woods’ dirty text messages to be published in audio book

Tiger Woods

Hoping to capitalize on her sordid affair with Tiger Woods, Joslyn James has sold the rights to her private text messages from Tiger Woods to an undisclosed publisher.  James said in a statement that the text messages would be published in an audio book.  Although James refused to disclose how much she sold the rights […]