Corpus Fructuarius, a body farm located in the heart of California’s wine country, has announced that they will start marketing top soil, a byproduct of human decomposition.

Starting on January 15th, it will cost Dish Network customers 50 cents every time they record a program on their DVRs.  The new fee is being added to increase executive bonuses.

Tom Shane, the familiar voice of the Shane Company jewelry store chain, is on life support in a Bangkok hospital after being found hanging bound and gagged from the ceiling of his hotel room.

In a show of intimidation, Comcast demanded that each of their employees vote in The Consumerist online poll or face possible termination. Comcast sent the following email to all of its 100,000 employees:

Across the country, thousands of scantily clad gay men lined up overnight at Verizon and Apple stores in anticipation of  the Verizon iPhone going on sale today.  Representatives for Apple and Verizon stated that they have been overwhelmed by the response of the gay community.