Our Staff

Mason Dixon

Mason Dixon:   Editor-in-Chief and founder

A homeless schizophrenic, Mason Dixon was taken in by a caring social worker.  Upon receiving medication and suppressing his mental illness, Dixon founded Dead Serious News.  Within a month, Mason Dixon was catapulted to Fortune Magazine’s List of 400 Wealthiest Americans.  Now in sole control of the world’s largest news organization, Mason Dixon has become an inspiration to schizophrenics worldwide.

Harry Peters

Harry Peters:  Sports Correspondent

Harry Peters was a promising star college football star until a near fatal autoerotic asphyxiation accident abruptly ended his aspirations.  Facing humiliation from his peers on campus, Peters decided to start his own pirate sports radio station.   His no-nonsense delivery and unique perspective made Peters an instant success until the FCC shut him down.   After years of smoking cigars, Peters lost his voice to cancer.  At that point, he decided to give up broadcasting and become a sports writer.

Dr. Connie Lingus

Dr. Connie Lingus: Senior Health Correspondent

Dr. Connie Lingus paid her way through college and medical school by working as the head waitress at a Hooters restaurant.  Dr. Lingus keeps her knee pads proudly displayed in her office as a reminder to her humble beginnings.  A well-respected physician, Dr. Lingus decided to leave her successful medical practice for a career in journalism.    

Tenisha Kwaame

Tenisha Kwaame:  Senior U.S. Correspondent

Dead Serious News was looking for a Senior U.S. Correspondent that embodied the diversity of the United States of America.  We found that in Tenisha Kwaame.  A black, middle-aged lesbian, Tenisha Kwaame was tragically crippled during a Dykes on Bikes rally several years ago.  Kwaame went back to school after the accident and received a degree in Journalism.  Known for her unique multi-cultural perspective, Tenisha Kwaame has won several Pulitzer prizes in her short Journalism career.

Poindexter Lipschitz

Poindexter Lipschitz:  Tech Correspondent

Kicked out of M.I.T. for bringing a pistol-shaped flash drive to class, Poindexter Lipschitz became known as a tech rebel and a game changer.   Working as a consultant for many Fortune 500 corporations, Poindexter Lipschitz earned a well-deserved reputation as a man who could implement technology to help companies drastically reduce their workforce and bring immense profits to shareholders.

Kumar Tandoori

Kumar Tandoori:  International Correspondent.

Kumar Tandoori was raised on the streets of Calcutta, India.  Selling pencils to feed his family, Kumar Tandoori befriended Sergio Casteneda, the world’s first openly-gay Pulitzer prize-winning Fashion correspondent.  Castaneda took Tandoori under his guidance and molded him into one of the world’s most respect international affairs reporters.

I.M. Rich

I.M. Rich:  Business Correspondent

I.M. Rich came from a very privileged background.  His family had amassed a multi-billion dollar fortune selling dental dams and female condoms.  Wanting desperately to amass his own fortune, I.M. Rich left home at the age of 16 and went on to write several successful business books, although having no real experience in this area.  Impervious to his critics, I.M. Rich went on to become a Pulitzer prize-winning business correspondent.

Tiffany Perkins

Tiffany Perkins:  Entertainment Correspondent

Tiffany Perkins started her career as a starlet who was featured in many B movies, mainly about life in a women’s prison.  Known for her passionate shower scenes, Tiffany Perkins is not ashamed to admit that she landed her first role on the casting couch.  Having left her acting career, Tiffany Perkins brings a wealth of hands on experience to her new role at Dead Serious News.

Seamus Kennedy

Seamus Kennedy:  Political Correspondent

What are politics without the Kennedy dynasty?  Seamus Kennedy, having been unable to win an election, decided to enter the world of political journalism.  Being an insider, Seamus Kennedy has access to some of the most influential people in the world of politics.  Seamus Kennedy’s journalistic career almost never happened.  Arrested for narcotics possession while on Spring Break in Istanbul, Turkey, Seamus Kennedy decided to make the most of his time in prison.  He became a much beloved towel boy while incarcerated.  Earning the admiration of the penal system and his peers, Seamus Kennedy was released after serving only 2 years of a mandatory life sentence.

Be Sociable, Share!