FIFA chief issues gay sex guidelines for 2022 World Cup

Sepp Blatter

Sepp Blatter, FIFA president, chuckled when asked at a press conference in South Africa what to advise gay people who will be traveling to Qatar for the 2022 World Cup.  “I would say that they should refrain from sexual activities,” Blatter replied while simulating fellatio with his microphone.  Qatar is a Muslim country that forbids same-sex relationships by law.

The FIFA chief expanded on his answer when pressed by a local reporter.  “I would say don’t hold hands or kiss in public, sing Broadway show tunes in the elevator, remove your nipple rings, and above all, refrain from wearing assless chaps to any of the games.”

Shocked by Blatter’s comments, local gay and lesbian groups plan to picket FIFA’s headquarters in Zürich, Switzerland wearing nothing but assless chaps and nipple rings.

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