Tired of violence, doctor offers penile enlargements for assault rifles

Dr. Aretha WashingtonDr. Aretha Washington, a well respected Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon, has an offer men can’t refuse-trade in your assault rifle for a larger penis.

Over the years, Dr. Washington has performed thousands of penile enlargement surgeries.  In conversing casually with her male patients, they all have one thing in common. Their small penises force these men to compensate in other areas of their existence.  According to Dr. Washington, men with the smallest penises tend to own assault rifles.  “I don’t ask my patients if they own guns, but meagerly endowed men tend to bring up their assault gun collection during our consultation.  I have seen this time and time again over the years,” asserts Dr. Washington.

The Newtown school massacre was a wake up call for Dr. Washington.  “If you saw the autopsy pictures of the Newtown shooter, I’ll bet you a million to one odds that he has an epically small penis.”