The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) announced today they have started a new religion that is targeted towards a corpulent congregation. “The Feed Store Church” is a non-denominational religion that will feature a full-figured matriarch as its sole deity, to be known as “The Goddess”.
“It’s time that religion became more fat-friendly,” said Bertha Buffet, a newly ordained minister in NAAFA’s new church. Like nuns in the Catholic Church, all ordained ministers will be required to change their names. In the case of The Feed Store Church, a fat-friendly name will be required. Kris P. Kreme, another newly ordained minister, added that all ministers will be female since “life originates inside a woman”.
Pastor Kreme informed a group of reporters that all church members will be required to have a Body Mass Index, or BMI, of at least 40, the threshold for morbid obesity. Since The Feed Store Church does not want to turn away any new members, anyone not meeting the BMI requirement will be sent to a “fattening retreat” to gain weight. “The Goddess wants our church to be all inclusive. As long as you are willing to do whatever it takes meet our weight standard,” Pastor Kreme continued.
Michael Fumento, an outspoken critic of NAAFA, stated that he plans to challenge the tax-exempt status of The Feed Store Church.