Hotel chain to introduce sex-free rooms

HyattIn response to feedback given by customers in focus groups, Hyatt will be designating 25% of their rooms as “sex-free”.  The newly renovated rooms will be completely stripped of fixtures, flooring, and furniture as part of the conversion effort.  Hyatt spokesman, Sully Bate, likens the process to becoming a “born again virgin”.

According to Bate, many customers do not want to stay in rooms with residue male ejaculate present.  “Everyone has seen the media use black lights to discover that bed spreads, carpeting, an even the ceilings in hotel rooms have traces of semen,” Bate explained.  “Our sex-free rooms will be guaranteed to be free of male ejaculate.”

The sex-free rooms won’t come cheap.  There will be a 50% premium over Hyatt’s standard room prices.  All guests will be required to sign an agreement not to have sex of any type in these rooms, including masturbation.  Upon checkout, an inspection of the room will be made with a black light.  If the presence of semen is detected, the room will be completely stripped of all fixtures, flooring, and furniture.  The customer will be billed for the conversion process, which costs thousands of dollars.  Parents with adolescent boys will be strongly discouraged from staying in the sex-free rooms. 

Hyatt will start converting rooms in properties located in Bible Belt states.  “Our data indicates that there is far less sex happening at these locations,” according to Bate.