‘Elephant Man’ sues sign twirling company

Elephant Man sign twirlerJack Meoff, afflicted with Neurofibromatosis or “Elephant man’s disease”, is a role model for his peers.  Unfortunately, Meoff’s employer wants to keep their star employee from showing his face.

Meoff is a sign twirler for Undignified Marketing of Newark, New Jersey.  Undignified Marketing is known locally as a discount provider of ‘human directionals’, the industry term for sign twirlers.  Employing the homeless, ugly, and deformed, Undignified Marketing has been able to provide low prices to their customers since they pay their employees the lowest prevailing wage.  As a condition of employment, some employees are required to cover up their faces if Raja Paneer, the CEO of Undignified Marketing , deems that their appearance is too hideous for the general public.  In Paneer’s words, “we provide employment for the fuglies of society without the freak show.”

Meoff, horribly disfigured by his disease, was told to cover up while he worked by Paneer.  Unable to find work due to his appearance, conformed to his employer’s demands.  Last week, Hymie Lipschitz, a local attorney, passed Meoff on the street and asked why he was covering his face with the temperatures soaring in the 90’s.  Shocked by Meoff’s response, Lipschitz has filed a Friend of the Court suit in Federal court on behalf of the employees of Undignified Marketing.  “I will bring dignity to the minions of Undignified Marketing and bring Paneer to his knees,” Lipschitz told a group of reporters.  An injunction filed by Lipschitz in Federal court prohibits Undignified Marketing from firing their employees without the court’s consent.

Meoff, a 37 year old virgin who has never kissed a woman, was brought to tears by Lipschitz’s kindness and offer to settle his case for a 70% contingency fee.  “Except for my mother, no one but Hymie has ever kissed me,” Meoff wept.