The Environmental Protection Agency, acting on the largest study of its kind ever, has issued an urgent warning on the dangers of Dihydrogen Oxide. The $4.5 billion study found that over 3,000 people die annually of Dihydrogen Oxide inhalation.
Walmart facing acute shortage of scooters
April 7, 2010 By
Faced with an increasing epidemic of obesity in America, Walmart has been hit with a decreasing supply of scooters for its obese customers. The shortage has been so chronic in some areas that two hour waits for a scooter are not uncommon during peak shopping times, leading to a barrage of complaints from their corpulent […]
Tiger Woods’ dirty text messages to be published in audio book
April 6, 2010 By
Hoping to capitalize on her sordid affair with Tiger Woods, Joslyn James has sold the rights to her private text messages from Tiger Woods to an undisclosed publisher. James said in a statement that the text messages would be published in an audio book. Although James refused to disclose how much she sold the rights […]
Vatican declares Easter will fall on a fixed date
April 6, 2010 By
Dismayed by the annual confusion about which day Easter will fall on, Pope Benedict XVI issued a Papal Edict setting the date of all future Easters to April 16th, the same day as his birthday. Some Catholics expressed outrage at the decision. Other Catholics looked at the bright side. “After Easter Mass in St. Peter’s […]
Small start-up cashes in on Camel Toe fad
April 5, 2010 By
Labia implants are the new breast implants. Collagen injections simply don’t work on the other set of lips.”, Larry Depp states gleefully. Depp is the CEO of Labia Enhancements, Inc. A visionary of female cosmetic surgery trends, Depp developed a small silicone implant that is surgically inserted into the labia of women who wish to have fuller lips. “Our labia implants can give any woman […]