Thousands of Apple fanboys form suicide pact

Steve JobsApple has had a cultlike following for years.  Apple devotees, or “fanboys” as they refer to themselves, have always been willing to pay a premium for any product with the famous Apple logo on it.  When Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO, takes the stage during a webcast, the fanboys’ eyes are glued to their computer monitors, blissfully impervious to the world around them.

An undercover investigation by Dead Serious News has revealed a much more serious side to the blind devotion of the Apple fanboys.  A loose knit group of up to 10,000 fanboys around the world have formed a suicide pact.  They communicate via an invitation only online group.  They refer to the death of Steve Jobs as “Doomsday”.  The fanboys revere the Apple CEO as their “Savior”.

Steve Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2004, plus he had a liver transplant in 2008.  His prognosis has been described as “excellent”.  Despite the positive news, there’s a lot of chatter between the fanboys on preparation for Doomsday. 

On August 28, 2008, Bloomsberg mistakenly published Steve Jobs’ obituary, which was picked up by a number of news outlets.  The rumor among the Apple fanboys is up to 50 of them committed suicide before the story was retracted.  The fanboys now have “some safeguards” in place to prevent anyone in their group from committing suicide based on a false rumor.

When Steve Jobs does finally pass away, the fanboys will gather in person and via webcams to “drink the Kool-aid”, a reference to the suicide method used in Jonestown.  The fanboys will toast their Savior and take their last drink together. 

“The death of Steve Jobs will prove there’s no God and life won’t be worth living after that,” wrote “iMacDonald”, a seemingly depressed Apple fanboy.

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