Tebow: Jesus gave me a donkey punch

TebowTim Tebow, the Denver Broncos’ evangelical quarterback, was distraught upon hearing the news that his team signed free agent Peyton Manning to be their next starting quarterback.  In tears, Tebow openly questioned whether Jesus actually loved him.

“I gave my life to Jesus and what did he do for me?”, wept Tebow.  “He betrayed me!  Jesus sneaked up behind me and sodomized me.  He then threw in a donkey punch to rub salt in my wound.”  A ‘donkey punch’ is a practice involving the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner on the back of the head or neck to make the receiving partner’s anal or vaginal passage tense up, thus increasing the pleasure of the penetrative partner.

Peyton Manning, the new presumed starting quarterback for the Broncos , was clearly amused by Tebow’s meltdown.  “Tim is still on his hands and knees waiting for the second coming of Jesus.”

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